Celibacy & The Village

Being single is kind of depressing. Or rather, the effort it takes to try and change that status is depressing. A whole industry has developed around "rules of seduction," "pick-up artists", etc. but to me it seems like misplaced priorities. As far as I can tell, being successful with women (or people in general really) is a side-effect of something else; be it reputation, wealth, success or intelligence. Kidding about the last one. But seriously, it seems more practical to focus on meta-goals of self-improvement than spending so much time seeking to replicate the results in one area. But what about sex!? Sex is great. But the modern culture surrounding sex? There's one quotation that defines the issue for me, by Malcolm Muggeridge: "Sex is the mysticism of materialism and the only possible religion in a materialistic society." Maybe this makes me less of a man, but I think life has (slightly) more value than being a build-up to orgasm followed by ten minutes of rest and then repeat.

I don't want to sound too righteous. My opinion might be entirely different if I was a handsome Aryan, so I can't blame people who use what God gave them. But for me and most people, I'd guess, it's a rat race and who wants to be a rat; particularly a rat who isn't very fast? It might be different if most people actually aimed to meet interesting people when they go out instead of impressing them. But it's a dress-up show, and I love drinking, but why put any cachet into talking to people who I could only stand talking to drunk anyway? What is there to say that wouldn't be better left unsaid? Everyone thinks you have an agenda, and most people probably do: but the best part about going out is not having an agenda, flowing where instinct takes you. I've followed my hormones instead of my friends before, and it's been a mistake. Desperation for recognition makes you do stupid things. Nonchalance about recognition is psychologically healthier and just as likely to get you recognition anyway.

When you've been with someone for a long time, both your layers of bullshit have been stripped away. This makes sex a lot less dirty (in good ways and bad). When you have just met someone, the bullshit forms protective armour. To penetrate that armour requires large quantities of effort, alcohol and charm. This would be fine except underneath the armour of protective bullshit is usually just more bullshit. And if there's not, there are very few ways to tell without getting yourself covered. And then they'll think you're full of bullshit too. The individual motives may be reasonable, but the end-result is, to quote David Bowie, "No one needs anyone, they don't even just pretend." And this isn't about a certain "type," as faux-subculture-counterculture poseurs are just as bad or worse than the conformists they conform to not conforming to. There should be a club with an asshole/bitch code instead of a dress code, divided into two sections: one for people who want to be hit on, one for those who don't. That might make things more reasonable. Until then, bullshit forever!