RED ALERT

Cypriot Communist leader Dimitris Christofias clutching a maiden.

Long thought vanished, the International Bolshevik threat has resurfaced. . . in Cyprus! Communist leader Dimitris Christofias has won the Cypriot election, causing a new Iron Curtain to descend over the Eastern Mediterranean. The domino effect could knock Crete into the red zone as well. Cyprus is now the fourth communist island state in history, after the Soviet Republic of Naissaar (December 1917 - 26 February 1918), the Socialist Republic of Cuba (1959 - ????) and the People's Revolutionary Government of Grenada (1979 - 1983). Of course communism could work as a uniting ideology to bring the island's fragmented Greeks and Turks together, but at what cost? Should the Israelis and Palestinians elect a communist leader too, uniting to form a Union of West Levantine Socialist Kibbutzim? Actually, maybe they should. And how about the bolshies taking back Afghanistan as well?