Postmodernism: Some Working Definitions

post·mod·ern·ism

1. The secular mysticism of superfluous (wo)man.
2. A paradigm shift away from the oppressive dichotomies of Orientalism, patriarchy, Eurocentrism and heteronormativity in favour of the liberating dichotomies of Occidentalism, matriarchy, Afrocentrism and homonormativity.
3. Transcending the false meta-narratives of race and gender by seeing them everywhere in everything.
4. The critique of hyper-reality and consumer fetishism through the critical perspective of hyper-reality and "ironic" consumer fetishism.
5. The (en)gendering of crypto-linguistic auto-fellatio.
6. Opening the gates of Rome to the barbarians and expecting them to greet you as liberators.
7. The ultranationalism of deterritorialized borderlands.
8. Beating the horse that drove Nietzsche mad.
9. Escape from the hidden oppression of language through the dialectical process of making it more obscure.
10. The cultural (il)logic of late Marxism.
11. Applied Spenglerianism.
12. The close reading of signifiers within a text for the purpose of diassembling their significance thus rendering the entire process a self-consuming hermeneutical circle-jerk.
13. The radical problematizing of the false possibility of practical solutions.
14. White mythology for whites who think they're above mythology.
15. Queering the birth process and expecting the womb to bear.
16. Revolt against the threat of the scientific social engineering of society through the unscientific social engineering of students.
17. The decolonization of the mind from Western thought-patterns and internal power structures through entirely non-Western mediums like the novel and the secular university.
18. Academia's critical shield against the hegemony of relevancy.
19. The deconstruction of the human spirit.
20. The self-lobotomization of the Western mind.