Ten Conspiratorial Tracts I Wish I Could Believe In

. . . Because then I wouldn't have to think. To anyone who suggests they know how the world really works, my standard reply is: It doesn't.

10.

Title: The Cult of the All-Seeing Eye
Author: Robert Keith Spenser
Thesis (in brief): Sauron worshipers run the world!

9.

Title: The Secret History of the Jesuits
Author: Edmond Paris
Thesis (in brief): Jesuits are crypto-Nazis . . . and run the world!

8.

Title: Marxist Minstrels
Author: David A. Noebel
Thesis (in brief): Communists orchestrate rock n' roll!

7.

Title: Mind Controllers
Author: Dr. Armen Victorian, veterinarian
Thesis (in brief): Fat guys with chips in their heads run the world!

6.

Title: The Leftist ESP Conspiracy
Author: Nino M. Volpe
Thesis (in brief): Leftist telepaths run the world!

5.

Title: Behind the Lodge Door
Author: Paul A. Fisher
Thesis (in brief): Freemasons know how to party!

4.

Title: Fourth Reich of the Rich
Author: Des Griffin
Thesis (in brief): Monacled Nazi plutocrats run the world by zeppelin!

3.

Title: The New Age Secret Plan for World Conquest
Author: Salem Kirban
Thesis (in brief): In between spending forty dollars on Lemurian mood-enhancing crystals, New Agers run the world!

2.

Title: Psychic Dictatorship in the USA
Author: Alex Constantine
Thesis (in brief): Psychic dictators run the country! Also: "A stunning chapter investigates the history and effects of the artificial sweetener Nutrasweet, and its role in the dumbing of America."

1.

Title: None Dare Call it a Conspiracy
Author: Gary Allen
Thesis (in brief): Red star hippie communist capitalist United Nations occult black power the letter O with a line through it Winston Churchill run the world!