Ten Album Covers That Perfectly Complement The Title

10.Naked Raygun - Throb Throb


9. Sisters Of Mercy - Vision Thing


8. Tricky - Nearly God


7. Ministry - Filth Pig


6. KMFDM - Don't Blow Your Top


5. Spoon - A Series Of Sneaks


4. Swans - Real Love


3. Jane's Addiction - Nothing's Shocking


2. Big Black - Hammer Party


1. Frank Zappa - Ship Arriving Too Late To Save A Drowning Witch

HONOURABLE MENTION:


Weather Report - Black Market

Fight Global Cooling!

ALBUM COVER OF THE DAY

Spare A Moment's Thought For The Last Dionysian

"Gregory of Tours, in his sixth-century History of the Franks, refers to the contemporary case of a Provençal peasant who, evidently stung literally into action by a cloud of wasps, went raving mad, threw off his clothes and arrayed himself in animal hides instead. He went running through forests in the south of France in the company of gangs of naked followers, profanely proclaiming himself to be the risen Christ. The Bishop of Le Puy, whose forces finally caught up with him and arrested him, had him put to death for his blasphemous outrages. Was he the last Dionysian?"
- Stuart Walton, Out of It: A Cultural History of Intoxication

My Celebrity Look-Alikes

Incisive Historical Insult Of The Day

Karelia was part Novgorodian Republic a LOOONG before Treaty of Nystad. So go fuck yourself. And about Finland,there was no such state prior to 1917 and until 1807 you were nothing but a giant village. - Angry Russian to Angry Finn

From http://englishrussia.com/?p=696

Ruminating On Rumination

I can't sleep because I can't stop ruminating. Ruminating is a word which I didn't know for the longest period of time, but which flashed a lightbulb in my skull when I stumbled across the definition. Ruminating, in the psychological sense, can be defined as "Negative cyclic thinking, persistent and recurrent worrying or brooding." There are plenty of positive terms for periods of deep thought: contemplation, meditation, and so on, but only rumination captures the negative essence of overthinking. Rumination is a mental trap because it's deceitful. Thinking over your problems is generally taken to be a positive thing. If you think over a problem long enough you'll come to a solution. That's how the mind should work, at least, but sometimes it hits a snag. Instead of making the problem better, it makes it worse or, alternately, creates a problem where there wasn't one before. That, in short, was what ruined far too much of my experience growing up. And it still occurs sometimes, especially when I can't sleep.

To actually learn that word, to learn the mental process associated with it, was a huge relief to me. It never occurred to me--and this relates to the weird narcissism, the destructive self-obsession of the whole thing--that it wasn't just me. Learning that word suddenly put it into perspective. I began to recognize--not just on the surface as I always had, but deeply recognize--how self-destructive it was. It's not easy to just "snap out of it," but the understanding that it was a faulty state of mind, which could be categorized and quarantined, helped a lot. Now when I find myself ruminating, like I did tonight, I'll force myself to do something productive or at least relaxing. Write, read, listen to music, pointlessly surf the Internet. Writing in particular is helpful, because it serves as a reminder to my future self. When I feel this way again I can go back and read what I've written, and know that I've been there before.

The world isn't sympathetic. That's a harsh realization but incredibly liberating. By and large if you get stuck in a rut it's up to you to dig yourself out. Especially if that rut is mental, and so mostly incomprehensible to other people even if they cared to understand. It can be a long and difficult process to dig yourself out, and I don't mean to say that friends and family and books and music aren't helpful. But fundamentally it requires personal will and dedication and the willingness to occasionally slap yourself in the face. Ways of thinking can be changed, and it doesn't mean you have to lose yourself. Rather I see it as a form of shedding skin. I recognize myself as a continuation of my past but I also look back and see how differently--how fundamentally negatively--I once perceived myself and the world. Which is not to say I'm now perfect and free and floating on air, but that I at least understand now that personal evolution is possible. Rather than simply repeating the mistakes I've made in my mind, I try to learn from them. And on that note, I return to bed and try to sleep.

The Truth Ain't Cute

I blame Japan. As much as I love ninjas and war crimes, I must blame Japan. For what? For the Cult of Cute, which Japan apparently invented as a sort of reverse Bataan Death March for Western civilization. The ultimate and most direct example of the New Cute is Gwen Stefani, who's imported Asian slavegirls hammer home the connection. Her every pose, lyric and video is done with one purpose in mind: to look and sound cute. And nothing says cute like a bunch of little Asian slavegirls dancing in rhythm wearing Hello Kitty backpacks and sucking a lollipop. Other signs of Cute's predominance: phrases like "I heart you" and "le sigh," which are spoken without even the pretense of irony anymore. The Cute phenomenon is separate from Emo, but the two are close cousins, as the Emo look seems to be based around the premise of being "tragically cute." That Samoan poseur from Fall Out Boy, for instance, definitely knows he's cute: he just expresses it in a slightly less sunny way than Gwen Stefani. Fergie and Nelly Furtado have also joined the Cute bandwagon, with Timbaland as their clown prince/minstrel. The key ingredient to a pop song seems to be not necessarily melody or rhythm or even a chorus anymore, but a cute hook. Even I can't help but sing "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard," as much as it pains me to admit.

You know who isn't cute? Charles Bronson. That, my friends, is the counterweight to cute. He's tough as nails, his face looks like a meteor and if you start acting cute with him he'll shoot you. But where's the next Charles Bronson? There's nothing cute about a mustache, which is precisely why we need more of them. The Romans hated mustaches, and look what happened to them. They got invaded by hairy barbarians, and there's nothing cute about raping and pillaging. You know what else isn't cute? Balls aren't cute. They're jangly and hairy and asymmetrical (at least mine are). But what would the world be without balls? It would be a Gwen Stefani video, full of pouty princesses and Asian schoolgirls and well-choreographed dance-offs. Say what you will about Muslim terrorists, but they're not cute. They definitely don't shave their balls. You certainly won't see a Muslim terrorist shucking and jiving in a Pussycat Dolls video. My point is not to glorify the Muslim terrorist, but to point out that Angry can kick Cute's ass anyday. When we had to kick the Nazis ass, we got the least cute motherfucker around, Winston Churchill to do it. Maybe he couldn't dance, but by god he could orate.

Who are these new authority figures telling us what to do? Who are these judges telling us to dance like Janet Jackson and sing more like Mariah Carey? The greatest singers and dancers are the Irish, the ugliest race in northern Europe. Who are these catty gays telling us what not to wear? And I would like to point out that while gays have contributed to the cuteness epidemic, it affects them too. When's the last time you saw a big, fat hairy bear of a gay on primetime television? When's the last time you saw anal sex on primetime television? Never! Because only the cute, fey, best friend of Sarah Jessica Parker gays are allowed to exist in the media. Cheer at their parades all you want, but there's nothing cute about sodomy. In fact, while some conservative cultural commentators deem present society to be like Sodom and Gomorrah, frankly I think the problem is we aren't Sodomy enough. Sure television and movies are sexually provocative, but all they do is tease! I think if at the conclusion of a Christina Aguilera video, she actually got gang-banged, kids would be a lot wiser to what's really healthy behaviour. Sex isn't cute. Kissing is cute, grinding is cute, but suckin' dick definitely ain't cute. "Promiscuous Girl" is a cute song, but there's nothing cute about HIV. OK, maybe a little, but not much. The point is this, kids: would you rather have Charles Bronson defending Western civilization, or Gwen Stefani? There's no sweet escape from the ugly truth.

I've Seen Better Looking Martians

Miss Universe is the most pretentious title ever. I hope she gets raped by people from other galaxies.

Get This Disease Cut Out Of My Throat

When I'm sick I can feel it in my throat. It's a dull but nagging feeling, sort of like warm corrosive tap-water ruining the pages of a book. Later I can also feel it in my breath, as I seem to form little microbe clouds with every hopeless pronouncement. It's not that it makes me wanna die, as Tricky says, it's more like how the New Fast Automatic Daffodils described American money: "It shits on your dreams daily." And if these references make me seem as a pretentious music snob, let it be known that the most apt description for what I'm feeling comes from that critically loved band of the mid-90s, Bush X: "Get this disease cut out of my throat!" Meanwhile the disease itself seems to be quietly reminding me, as per AC/DC: "You're only young but you're gonna die!" I can have all the tea and noodle soup in the world, but will it ever silence that voice? To quote a brilliant Monster Magnet album title, God Says No. And the (warm, corrosive tap-)water will run.

Self-Indulgence At A Sober Pace

I think if I had my druthers I'd read all day and drink all night. Too much reading makes me feel wound-up and in need of action, which drinking provides. Too much drinking then leaves me feeling unproductive and nihilistic, so reading is needed to fill that void. Together the two would provide a perfect balance, if only I could find someone to pay me to read and/or pay me to drink. As The Birthday Party, sing "Punishment... Reward!" I don't know which is the punishment and which is the reward; I guess both contain certain elements of each. Too much learning hurts your brain while too much drinking hurts your head. But I like pleasure spiked with pain (as if there's even any other kind). I just want to mix that perfect cocktail of brain-building and brain-killing which will leave me both smarter and happier in the end.

Learning is definitely painful, but it's a good kind of pain. If you're gay an appropriate analogy might be anal sex. Since I'm not, I won't go there. The tragedy of free time, for me at least, is that you work and work to receive it, only to get bored and depressed when you've had too much of it. The painful lesson is that there's no absolute good. Whatever it is I enjoy I have to get sick of to enjoy again. The classic example of someone who just doesn't get this is the alcoholic, who doesn't realize that the happiness associated with alcohol comes from the contrast with being sober. Being drunk supposedly liberates you from limitations, but the need to get drunk becomes just another limitation. You may claim to hate sobriety, but it's like when the Nazis claimed they hated Jews. They needed the Jews to give Nazism a meaning; without Jews they'd just be marching in circles. And then they'd get dizzy.

Some people of course don't need any release. These are either sociopaths or the extremely well-adjusted. I want nothing to do with either. The well-adjusted way to release frustration is to nag and give out parking tickets. The sociopath's way is to snort brown sugar. I'd rather read and drink and occasionally ride an exercise bike until I pass out. To what end? There is no end I'm afraid. Or rather there is but it's unpredictable, unknowable and useless to think about. Best to stay busy then, moving on from one thing to another before the ground crumbles beneath your feet. I'm not saying free time is a waste of time, but left to your own devices there is a tendency to self-destruct. Like any drug, the key to pleasure is to try different types at different ratios so you never lose your sensitivity. "Punishment... Reward!"

Broadly speaking, I thus believe that rules, regulations and an occasional beating are necessary. As Jack Kerouac (or someone) said in response to the idea of anarchy, "But who'd lick the stamps?" On a personal level, anarchy/hedonism leads to similarly depressing questions. So the answer is not to live without rules and routines, but neither is it necessarily to live by society's rules and routines. The key rather, is to customize your own rules and routines and tune them toward your sense of long-term happiness. This requires a degree of self-discipline and self-understanding to which past experiences of under and over-indulgence can serve as guides. It's like sex. You gotta learn to pace yourself or you'll be finished too soon. Sex is also a much better reward than drinking, and a kinky sort of punishment as well. Balance can be a beautiful thing.

The Eleventh Reason India Is The Greatest Subcontinent On Earth

Numbers 1 to 10 are here.

Cheeky Bastards

Truer Words Never Spoken

"Soft silly music is meaningful magical"
- Jeff Mangum

Licking The Idiot Box

Television is a dying medium, even if it doesn't fully know it yet. I still watch TV, just rarely on an actual TV set. I buy DVDs of shows I really like, and otherwise watch clips from the glorious number of contraband websites that have sprung up lately. The only shows I actually follow on a regular basis, the Daily Show and the Colbert Report, are available on the Comedy Central website, leaving me free to make my own damn timeslots. The only times I've watched TV-on-TV lately have been at the gym on caption. Since the only things they seem to show are Everybody Loves Raymond and the lobotomized monstrosity that was once MuchMusic, I'm given visual stimulus to pedal the pain away. This in addition to the aural stimulus of Ministry, which is still less cacophonous than the sound of Raymond's brother's voice.

For the un-Canadian, MuchMusic is our equivalent of MTV. While it has always been inane, it at least used to show actual music videos and featured the occasional sarcastic sock-puppet to pop its balloon of bullshit. Now it is as Belarus is to Russia, a weak imitation that doesn't need to exist. Its imported reality shows remind me why I hate my generation, and its coterie of emo-boy and non-threatening mulatto VJs localize that hatred to the Greater Toronto Area. I realize that their target demographic is 13-year old girls, so in a sense this rant is about as useless as getting mad at lipgloss. Yet it's spreading, this need to make everything appealing to 13-year old girls, and I fear the end result will be a society of 13-year old girls. I know our Rome has to burn sometime, but must it be to the strains of Lil Wayne and Fall Out Boy?

Television is a slipstream. There are the occasional jewels in the slipstream, but the stream itself is a river of crap. The new wave of video websites allow users to pinpoint the jewels from the crap, leaving the crap to cascade into the waiting mouths of 13-year old girls and the millions who have become like them. There's an old Canadian adage that goes "Porn speaks to its splintered legions." Thus the future of television, specialty channels for unspecial people who love the bukkake and foot-worship that TV is becoming equivalent to. The Schwarzenegger classic "The Running Man" predicted this years ago, but we were too enthralled by the delightful urban bouts to focus on the greater message. Well now he's governor and I really need to see that movie again. It beats watching TV.

I Am A Classy Bloke

I just spilled coke on my mouse and wiped it off with a receipt. Also, good for you you crazy Baloochs! While I normally don't support terrorism, since it seems only the military was targeted and Iran has long been in need of a good smack in the ass, I'll waive my morals this time. Plus I've long been a fan of the Baloochs, mostly but not only for their delightful name. It rankles me that America broke its back defending a lackluster and artificial South Vietnamese regime from the communists, while leaving a true ally like the Shah of Iran in the lurch. If Jimmy Carter and LBJ had reversed presidencies, I think the world would be in a lot better shape. No Vietnam war, and a thriving and Western-oriented Iran. The Shah was admittedly a dictator, but he refused to use the overwhelming force at his command to stomp out the Iranian protest movement. Why? Because he didn't want the blood of the people on his hands. Compare that dignity to the sub-literate musings of the peasant Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and one can only mourn history's wrong turns. My mouse is still sticky.

Most Ridiculous-Looking War Criminal In History

Radovan "Jowls of the Balkans" Karadžić, Serbian war criminal/bon vivant.

Separated At Birth?

Punk icon Henry Rollins and Nazi deputy Rudolf Hess.

MANDOM Returns

Lil Kim Of Jerusalem

Courtesy of some crazy Black Hebrew Myspace ho, I present the most insane survey I have ever read. Note how by the end she's converted herself... in her own survey! For the full experience, listen to the holy sounds of Lil Wayne while reading.

What is your name? GABARAH SHARAH
What? ITS HEBREW. MEANS WARRIOR PRINCESS
Where u get that name from? FROM THE MOST HIGH IN CHRIST THROUGH MY HUSBAND
So you into church? YES THE ONE AND ONLY CHURCH THERE IS
One and only? YEAH ISRAELITE CHURCH OF GOD IN JESUS CHRIST
Why u say one and only church? ONLY WE TEACH THE TRUTH ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE
What truth? CHRIST IS A BLACK MAN THE REAL JEWS ARE BLACK AND ONLY ISRAEL WILL BE SAVED
Jews are black? who those white people claiming to be jews then? THOSE PEOPLE ARE WHATS KNOWN IN THE BIBLE AS EDOMITES
So white people aint gonna make it? NOT WITH CHRIST THEY WONT
So you saying white people aint going to heaven? IM SAYING IF YOU AINT ISRAEL CHRIST DIDN'T COME FOR YOU
Who's Israel? NEGROES IN AMERICA, BLACKS FROM THE CARIBBEAN, DOMINICANS, PEURTO RICANS NATIVE AND SEMINOLE INDIANS AND THE DESCENDANTS OF ABRAHAM ISAAC AND JACOB IN SOUTH AMERICA AND CENTRAL AMERICA AND ALSO THE MEXICANS
That's in the bible? YEAH NOT AS THOSE NAMES OFCOURSE BUT IN THEIR BIBLICAL TERMS
How you figure this? THE BIBLE PROPHESIED OF CURSES THAT WOULD COME ON THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL FOR THEIR DISOBEDIENCE AND THAT ONLY APPLIES TO ONE GROUP OF PEOPLE
Thanks for the info I'll definitely check out the church. ITS YOUR SOUL AND SALVATION REMEMBER THAT



I ain't gonna make it. :(

Let This Be Your Last Valentine

"Speak to me of heroin and speed, of genocide and suicide, of syphilis and greed: Speak to me the language of love."
- PJ Harvey

"Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion."
- Miguel de Unamuno

"Life is short and love is always over in the morning."
- Sisters of Mercy

"Love rains down like Vietnam's leeches."
- Manic Street Preachers

"Love's just an illusion that keeps you crawling through the desert."
- Smog

"I'm into having sex, ain't into makin' love, so come give me a hug if you into gettin' rubbed."
- 50 Cent

"Love is a dog from hell."
- Godflesh

"Feel my fists of love."
- Big Black

"Love's great (and sole) originality is to make happiness indistinct from misery."
- E.M. Cioran

"So this is permanence: love's shattered pride."
- Joy Division

"Love means giving something you don't have to someone who doesn't want it."
- Jacques Lacan

"I used to love her, but I had to kill her."
- Guns N' Roses

"We live as we dream, alone."
- Joseph Conrad

"Love your neighbor 'til your wife gets home."
- The Doors

"Love: The delusion that one woman differs from another."
- H.L. Mencken

"Love is the gun that I fire inside of you."
- Mary Beats Jane

"We kiss on the mouth but still cough down our sleeves."
- Modest Mouse

"Love wouldn't survive the heat of my heart."
- Mark Lanegan

"The love boat has crashed against the everyday. You and I, we are quits, and there is no point in listing mutual pains, sorrows, and hurts."
- Vladimir Mayakovsky's suicide note

Australia: Last Bastion Of Paganism

Peter Silverman: The Bane Of Crooked Opticians Everywhere

All In A Day's Work

"We are told in recent Soviet articles that on 12 December, 1937 alone, Stalin and Molotov sanctioned 3,167 death sentences, and then went to the cinema."

- from The Great Terror: A Reassessment by Robert Conquest

SHIT I NEED

• Tylenol
• Throat lozenges
• Lightbulbs
• Bread
• A design for life
• An essay extension
• A maid
• Sleep
• A dog
• Love
• Longjohns
• A ski mask
• A cure for pain
• Chocolate milk
• A birthday present
• Salvation
• Kleenex
• A summer job
• A way out
• More

Updatum

Stakhanovism has been added to the list of Unjustly Overlooked Ideologies.

Absurdist Hero Of The Day

Zog I, King of the Albanians

Career Highlights:

Aubrey Herbert who met him in 1913, when Zog was only eighteen, described him as "a reader of Shakespeare and a fine fighting man".

...

During Zog's presidency, serfdom was gradually eliminated. For the first time since the death of Skanderbeg, Albania began to emerge as a nation, rather than a feudal patchwork of local beyliks. Many referred to him as "king", as they had no idea what the word "president" meant.

...

According to Zogists, the Albanian throne had a 2,500-year history. By positing continuity from semi-mythical Pelasgians (mentioned by Homer and Herodotus) and asserting that ancient Macedonia, Epirus and Illyria were in some sense Albanian states, they devised a list of precursors for Zog which included Achilles, Alexander the Great, Pyrrhus and Queen Teuta. This roll-call of monarchs, however, suffered from the weakness that none of them had actually thought himself or herself Albanian.

...

A new royal residence -- fit for a King -- was long under construction outside Tirana, and, in the nearby port of Durres, a showy Summer Palace was actually completed in 1932. Though likened by a British tourist to `the casino in one of the minor Belgian sea-coast resorts', it boasted marble halls and Louis Quatorze decor. It was shockingly under-used. `He built this palace for distinguished guests,' the steward on the Bari-Durres ferry would explain, `but he never seems to have any'.

...

Only the President of Turkey, however, openly derided the change. `What's going on in Albania?' laughed Kemal in 1928, `Are you performing an operetta?' This jibe hit home, and was widely credited with persuading Zog to appear less often in his most flamboyant white and gold uniform (the one with plumed fur hat and black cloak).

...

The King's chamberlain was instructed to accost visitors to the local hotel in the capital Tirana with the demand that they attend a royal audience, at which formal morning dress should be worn. The visitor would be referred to a local outfitter where they could buy the requisite clothes, although this turned out to be quite expensive. The subsequent audience at the palace would be brief and perfunctory. The outfitters was owned by King Zog.

...

In the absence of nightclubs or theatre in Tirana, the king spent much of his time playing poker, usually with his sisters. He was also a great lover of perfumed cigarettes, and smoked about 150 a day. His household expenses made up nearly two percent of the national budget.

...

Yugoslavia, Romania and Bulgaria all had kings. The ruler of Albania wished to be their equal. Thanks to alphabetical order by country, he now took first place in the Almanach de Gotha, the unofficial handbook of European royalty.

...

Officials stencilled `Long live the King' on the walls of public buildings and ordered shops to display Zog's portrait on pain of a fine. In some places, a huge letter `Z' was burnt onto the hillside.

...

His one and only foreign trip, to Vienna for health checks in 1931, ended with the most famous of many assassination attempts. After Zog drew a gun and fired back, his reputation as a dashing royal gangster was sealed so far as the European press was concerned. `One of the most picturesque and romantic figures of our time,' enthused one popular reporter, who judged that His Majesty might have stepped straight from the movie screen.

...

During a trip to Vienna, he narrowly escaped assassination. Two assailants opened fire on his entourage as it exited the Vienna Opera House following a double bill performance of I Pagliacci and the Strauss ballet Josephs-Legende. The king ‘drew a gun from inside his tail-coat and returned fire,’ writes Tomes. ‘…Zog emptied five chambers of his revolver and then asked [an aide] to hand him his pistol, unaware that [he] was already dead. Fearing attack from the other side of the car, he squeezed past the body and ran back into the Opera House, shouting in German, as the police appeared and seized everybody.’

...

During his reign he is said to have survived over 55 assassination attempts. One of these occurred in 1931 while Zog was visiting a Vienna opera house for a performance of Pagliacci. The attackers struck whilst Zog was getting into his car, and he survived by drawing his own pistol (which he always carried) and firing back at his would-be assassins. This is the only occasion in modern history when a Head of State has returned fire with potential assassins.

...

After Italy's invasion of Albania in 1939, King Zog, having been exiled by Mussolini, set out with his royal retinue for London's Ritz hotel. The hall porter, surprised by the unusual weight of the king's cases, asked him whether they contained anything valuable. "Yes," Zog replied. "Gold."

...

Italy had intervened, said Ciano, to liberate Albania from 'a selfish, narrow-minded, venal, treacherous, cruel ruler possessing all the despicable attributes of a feudal lord in the dark ages.'

...

While in France, the Royal Family survived a German air raid during the invasion, reputedly because the entourage was travelling in a Mercedes-Benz identical to Adolf Hitler's (in fact it had been a wedding present from the German dictator). The effect of this was that none of the bombers had the nerve to fire on a car identical to the Führer's.

...

In January of 1944 in an interview with members of the Anglo-Jewish Association, Zog offered to sponsor a plan for a large Jewish settlement in Albania - apparently on the order of some 50,000 families to be given land owned by the state - if the British Jews helped him to regain his throne. The association seems to have taken this seriously enough to consult the British Foreign Office which quickly dismissed the notion. Zog at this point was of course desperate, considering that no official entity had allowed him to form a government in exile or indeed had recognized him as anything more than a private citizen. Still this was certainly a unique offer and perhaps can be considered as an indication of Zog's commitment to religious diversity.

...

When Zog briefly went to the United States, he wanted to bring along his Court, but the immigration authorities allowed only twenty members. Zog tried unsuccessfully to bribe the American Senate to permit the remainder to join him.

...

In 1951, he bought the Knollwood estate in Muttontown, New York, for approximately $102,800, though some stories claim that he bought the mansion for a bucket of diamonds and rubies. The sixty-room estate was described as a castle. Zog intended Knollwood to be his kingdom-in-exile, staffed by loyal Albanian subjects, but he never moved into the mansion. The house was never used and Zog sold the estate in 1955, by which point vandals had done over $8,000 worth of damage, apparently hunting for treasure in his absence.

...

Records of his conversations with friends and family indicate that he wished to set up a feudal kingdom outside Albania if he was not restored to the throne.

...

A main street in Tirana has since been re-named by the current Albanian government to "Boulevard Zog".

...

Soon Albanians will be able to look dispassionately at their history in the twentieth century: liberation, instability, occupation, instability, Zogist dictatorship, occupation, civil war, Stalinist dictatorship, and more instability. When they do, they may will count the reign of King Zog among the good times. It is a sobering thought.

Sources:
All the King's Men
Religious Diversity Under Zog
Zog Photo Album
Zog's Kingdom

Beholder's Paradise

I once wrote The only possible utopia is an altered perception of the current dystopia. Here's a little example.

"Ordinary citizens also developed the ability to see things as they were becoming and ought to be, rather than as they were. An empty ditch was a canal in the making; a vacant lot where old houses or a church had been torn down, littered with rubbish and weeds, was a future park."
- Sheila Fitzpatrick, Everyday Stalinism

And yes it's Bolshevik Week at Head Wide Open.

The Sadness Of Absolute Power

"I'm finished. I trust no one, not even myself."
- Stalin, as overheard by Khrushchev

Negroland: The Country Time Forgot

The Glorious Return Of Lev Davidovich Trotsky

One of the greatest moments in history!

Jewish Stereotypes: True Or False

Wouldn't it be great if a member of a stereotyped group gave a straightforward response to stereotypes based on personal experience? Possibly. And so I will respond to a number of Jewish stereotypes based on my own experiences as a Jewish Ashkenazi Canadian and ordained rabbi/liar. Ideally I'd do one of these for every ethnic/racial/religious group, but eventually I'd probably degenerate (regenerate?) into Archie Bunker. I should preface this by saying that it'll probably be offensive, but if you're a Jew you should conform to your stereotype and have a sense of humour.

Stereotype: Jews are rich.
My Response: Mostly true. The main exception are immigrants from the former Soviet Union, who will have to wait a generation before their kids are rich. What I don't understand: bigots castigate blacks for being communally unsuccessful while at the same time castigating Jews for being communally overly successful. The only way you're ever going to get all ethno-cultural groups on an equal footing is through affirmative action. Thus racists must take a seemingly liberal position to be intellectually consistent. Though intellectual consistency isn't their main concern.

Stereotype: Jews start all the world's wars.
My Response: Every war has enough of a Jewish tangent to become a Judeocentered narrative for those so inclined. I've found someone on the Internet who blames the Armenian genocide on the Jews. The Armenian genocide! The warmongering bit is true, I admit. Crypto-Jew Bob Dylan even wrote a song about it in an act of triple-agent disinformation.

Stereotype: Jews are bad at/don't like sports.
My Response: This one is true for me, but in fact baseball, football and basketball are dishearteningly popular among many young Hebrews. I disown them all. Sandy Koufax was a hero to most, but he never meant shit to me.

Stereotype: Jews are funny.
My Response: While a select few Jews are really funny, I think that's more in reaction to the fact that the majority are groan-inducingly cheesy. I'm talking bad puns and grating self-effacement. Considering that historically many Jews have been in close proximity to the notoriously humourless Slavs (quick, name a Russian comedian besides Yakov Smirnoff! And Yakov Smirnoff's Jewish!), you can see why some tensions might've ensued.

Stereotype: Jews have big noses.
My Response: Yeah, but Iranians have bigger noses: why don't they get the same press?

Stereotype: Jews have correspondingly big penises.
My Response: This may be true.

Stereotype: Jews dislike Muslims/Arabs.
My Response: A number do, but it would be an affront to human nature if that wasn't the case. I'm not justifying bigotry, but really, when's the last time Jews organized a conference to deny the Crusades? I have issues with the jingoistic and self-righteous tone of many Zionists, but the opposition really makes it too easy.

Stereotype: Jews control the media/the entertainment industry.
My Response: Sure Jews are overrepresented in those fields, but how does that benefit me? I'd love to go down to Hollywood and be a key grip for Steven Spielberg, but I don't think just being Jewish would be enough. Also, I have a lot of great ideas for the media (the televised execution of Paris Hilton), but no one ever asks my opinion. So sure certain Jews may run the entertainment industry, but please don't give me the disadvantage of being held responsible for the media with none of the advantages. Also, Armenians are also overrepresented in Hollywood and no one talks about that. Though no one talks about the Armenian genocide either so I guess it evens out.

Stereotype: Jews are cheap/love money.
My Response: There is some truth to this, but I try to counter this stereotype on a personal level by being as bad with money as possible. Plus one of my favourite Killing Joke songs is "Money is Not Our God"!

Various Links That Have Little Or Nothing In Common With Each Other

Theses links reflect the broad gamut of my interests, including current events, shitty movies, cultural clashes, fascism, the Stooges, mercenaries, wrestling, Polish war heroes and Roman misadventures. Enjoy.

30 Worst Sequels in Movie History
Cannon Films Appreciation Society
Conan O'Brien's Finland Trip
Crazy Incan Racists
Death Wish Body Count
Hitler's Plans for Eastern Europe
Manifest Destiny: A New Direction for America
Marshal Jozef Pilsudski
Mike Hoare: Congo Mercenary
New Wave Photos
Paris Hilton is a Racist Bitch
The Lost Legion
Russian Orthodox Fascism
Rocking in the Studio With The Stooges
Wrestling Gone Wrong

Borges On Communism

"People like it because it provides them with a group of friends."
- Jorge Luis Borges, on communism

MANDOM: The Smell Of Charles Bronson