Jesus Kurtz

Sometimes I feel like Jesus, "forgive them father, they know not what they do." Other times I feel like Kurtz, "exterminate the brutes." I'm too compassionate to be a fascist, too cold to be a socialist and too extreme to be a moderate. I want to end in some Hegelian union of opposites, but feel more realistic trailing off...

Graffiti Is Art

Re: Graffiti update: Second Richmond vandal arrested

First off, anyone wearing a Tapout shirt should be arrested before they commit a crime. Second, "Fuck the Chinese"? Really? The Chinese? REALLY?

The Answers You Seek Will Never Be Found At Home

To balance my earlier comments about gays, I must confess that "Smalltown Boy" by Bronski Beat is a masterpiece. Pop before it was all about producing ringtones, though it would make a great ringtone.

The Trouble With Having A Penis

The trouble with having a penis is having nowhere to put it.

Come The Revolution

Even since I began this blog the Internet's gotten larger and weirder. Funny videos and social networking are fun, but let's not forget the basics: stealing music, downloading pornography and reading/writing unpublishable opinion pieces (blush). My generation's already dead by information overload coupled with skin-deep comprehension, and I would fear for the future if I cared what kind of world my grandchildren will live in. I'm 24 or 25 (I honestly can't remember) but I already feel like a relic of a distant age.

Enough of that. Someone once posted a comment here, "shut up and get in line like the rest of us." I have shut up, like literally blocked off the neural currents that make me bitter about the world, except when I post here. The reason is that I am biding my time until the revolution. I predict in a decade's time a growing neo-luddite movement of which I will be the Trotsky, in the sense that I will be swiftly shunted aside and killed by ice-pick.

See: "Come the Revolution" by Julian Cope

Foreign Policy

Reading about the guy who went on one-man mission to kill bin Laden, I asked myself: why only one? What is wrong with our civilization that there aren't hundreds of bounty hunters and n'er-do-wells (sp?) combing the tribal backwaters of Pakistan hunting for his scalp. But I guess it's easier to attain fame and glory being a contestant on The Bachelor or getting shot nine times for no good reason.

Bush is a failure for a host of reasons, but high among them is his failure to kill bin Laden. Fuck Iraq. He should have literally demolished mountains, torn apart villages and given root canals to sheep-fucking villagers to get at that asshole. The Americans defoliated Vietnam for a lot less. Also we should be diverting the money we waste bribing Taliban warlords and rebuild those giant Buddha statues in titanium as a last fuck you before we leave Afghanistan.

Dear Gays

I don't care where you stick your dick. But pride - ostentatious, flag-waving, pride - is a mortal sin. I'm not proud of my attraction to putrid mounds of woman-flesh; why should you be proud of your attraction to the literal backsides of humanity? I would no more parade my love of moist vulva than my love of a good flank steak. If your biggest source of pride is your animalistic lust (I don't care what for), you should be ashamed.

Canada Day Anthem

"I see a Serpent in Canada who courts me to his love"
- William Blake, America: A Prophecy

Low - Canada

I'm not scared of waking up
I'm not afraid of getting cut
'Cuz you can't take that stuff to canada
You can't take it anywhere

You could la la la la la
And you could lie to all your friends
But you can't take that stuff to canada
You can't take it anywhere
I used to have a golden tongue
But now the words just feel like stones
'Cuz you can't take that stuff to canada
You can't take it anywhere